50 Cent: Blood on the Sand

Game Info

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand was released in 2009, but even now this game deserves a bit of light shed on it, just for the amount of fun two people can have playing it.  Although it shamelessly copies Gears of War, this game has a lot to offer people who are looking for something over-the-top goofy and with good enough shooting.  Plus, 50 Cent punching people (also what I’ve entitled the series of photos used for this review).

In an unnamed, war-torn Middle East country, G-Unit has just finished up a sold out show, when the promoter tells them there’s no money.  G-Unit is understandably upset, but gets paid with a diamond-encrusted skull… which is immediately stolen by a ninja (?).  It’s completely nonsensical.  Some military guys show up, you buy guns via payphone, and shoot helicopters.  But to knock this game is to knock silly, mature fun between friends and beers.

The gameplay is, as before, Gears of War.  There’s jumping between cover, shooting over or off the side of waist-high walls at countless unnamed arabs.  Get close, and you can use some melee moves – the camera cuts to a brief QTE with a varied animation.  Sometimes you’ll pull a bone-crunching wrestling move, other times you’ll just stab (and stab and stab and stab).  Aside from the melee stuff, it’s pretty generic.  The guns are hyper-accurate, and you have infinite pistol ammo.  But running up to guys and melee’ing them to death with a DDT or backbreaker is effective enough.  It’s also something I haven’t really seen before – the camera fires away to a stylized action sequence what has a cool Zack Snyder vibe.  When this is happening, though, your character doesn’t go anywhere.  So if you’re playing multiplayer, you can watch your partner crack some skulls.

Oh, there are lots of helicopters, too.  Every boss fight is a helicopter – even the ones that start out in other ways.  For example, you’ll chase down a spec-ops soldier… who then gets in a helicopter.  At least he has the courtesy to attack in an area where G-Unit has access to rocket launchers.  There are driving sequences as well, which are completely generic, except for the idiotic (but extremely funny) things member of G-Unit say to each other.  Just remember to hit that bigass ramp – you’ll be reminded to occasionally.

Ahh, G-Unit.  Blood in the Sand puts you in 50 Cent’s well-worn shoes, with a computer AI or online friend (no splitscreen, sorry) controlling DJ Whoo Kid, Tony Yayo, or Lloyd Banks.  They all play the same, but have different quips they shout at enemies or at 50 himself.  50, however, seems to have only wanted to record his lines once – and it sounds like he has better things to do than record voiceover for his own video game.  The rest of the audio, though, is outstanding.  Classic 50 Cent, as well as G-Unit tracks, are in the customizable playlist.  And there is a button to curse.  Seriously, tap L3 and you shout curses at your enemies.  They range from the passé “die motherfucker” to the great “I’m gonna kill your whole next generation!” and all sorts of horrible, hilarious things in between.  Every game ever made should have this.  I cannot stress enough the stupid fun it is to press a button and curse at people in a game.

Graphically, everything works.  It’s all a bit generic and brown; looking war-torn in parts, strip-clubby in other parts (especially the strip club).  Everyone looks a bit shiny.  And 50 Cent has these soulless, dead eyes – the thousand yard stare which is a product, no doubt, of killing, like, 50,000 arab dudes while shouting increasingly explicit profanities.  As before, the melee cutaways have a cool stylization – but everything else is workable.  Enemies are generally color-coded, so shooting the red guys is generally your best bet.

The Japanese have a term, baka-ge.  It means “idiot game.”  50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is baka-ge.  Although it should be nothing more than a terrible rap music Gears of War clone, it comes together in such a dumb, fun way that it covers its graphical blandness and shooting generics.  These G-Unit guys gleefully smash through walls, shooting with abandon at anything that moves.  Wrestling moves, cursing, shooting, stabbing, collecting coins.  It’s dumb.  But with a few beers and a good sense of humor, this game is great with a friend.  I’m not sure that’s exactly what 50 was going for when he released this, but whatever it turned into, it works.